Love is an Action.

Love is something we do in spite of what we feel.

Over the last 2 ½ decades of ministry one of the questions Chad and I have talked through with so many people, mostly couples or young people, has been: “Is love something you feel or something you do?”  And our goal is to always lead them, (through discussion, questions, answers, examples, and giving them access to our lives) to our firm belief: Love is most definitely something you do. Love is an action. And as christians, it’s not simply something we operate out of when we feel like it, it’s something we operate out of ALL the time because we are called to. We are commanded to.  And feelings can’t be commanded.  But, actions can.  So, Love is what we do in spite of what we feel!  

Our marriages are not exempt from this calling! 

Loving without expectation, or when it’s not easy to love your spouse, is a sacrifice. (sometimes a big one) Love is this selfless act that we are called to extend to the people in our lives despite how we feel. 

So, I have had it on my heart to talk about what it realistically looks like to love our spouses, SELFLESSLY. And I think it only makes sense to do it through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. After all, it is the love chapter.  Let’s take a look at it section by section, starting in vs. 4 where it says, “Love is patient and kind…”

Patient: Being patient with my husband in all circumstances. Speaking to him with calm, gentle words. Dealing with frustations or anger I have toward him calmly, without anger, without ugly talking under my breath, without slamming cabinets, without angry cleaning, without discontentment. 

Kind: Being tender and good-natured even when I don’t feel like it. Always wanting to do good for my husband. Filling his world with things that fill him with happiness, even when he’s not returning the favor. Being generous with him, serving him first… letting him shower first, even though I like boiling hot water in the shower… and I know I won’t have that once he’s done. Be considerate. Take into consideration what I do daily, and how it affects him… I know he needs clean socks, so I should make laundry a priority today. I know he feels anxious when he comes home to a messy living room, so I need to make sure it feels tidy when he comes home today.

Not envious or boastful: I’m not in competition with my husband. If he wins, we win. I won’t resent the time he gets away from the constant crying and fighting, or the time he gets away with his friends. I won’t be prideful when I get something right in our relationship, or with the kids. I will let him know how much the kids and I need him and rely on him. I can’t do it alone, and neither can he.

Not arrogant or rude: I am not better than my husband. I don’t deserve a break from the kids and the house more than he does. We both need time with the Lord, alone, with friends, or with each other. I am not more important or better than he is. I won’t be harsh with my words even if he hurt me. I won’t bring up every hurt he has caused me when we are in a disagreement. I am responsible for my feelings and need to steward them well before I speak, or act. 

Does not insist on it’s own way: I won’t put my foot down when we are in a disagreement, or give ultimatums. I will hear him out and meet him halfway… or farther sometimes if I need to. I will lay down my feelings (right or wrong) and trust that he will do the same. I can find common ground with him.

Not irritable, not resentful: I will try my hardest to not be moody, even if it’s “that time of the month.” I will take my feelings captive, along with my thoughts and lay them at the feet of Jesus, cause He knows it all… He knows both of our hearts and motives. I can trust Him. I won’t hold a grudge over everytime he has hurt me in the past… the significant and insignificant ones. I won’t talk badly about him when I’m with my friends, family, or KIDS! 

Not rejoice in wrongdoing: I won’t happy dance in the kitchen when he admits he is wrong and I am right. I won’t hold wrongdoings over his head, or hold him captive to his failures. 

Rejoice with Truth: I will speak life and encouragement over my husband. I will encourage him and build him up in truth. I won’t tolerate sin. I will confront any sin that arises with gentleness. I will point him back to Jesus and the Word of God continuously. I will also do the work… spend time with the Lord, in his word, and in prayer. I will work to remove sin from my life, as well. 

Love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things: I will take his grumpiness with a grain of salt, understanding that he is human, too, and has his own things he is working through. I believe that we can be our best together, and I believe in our future. I can have hope that I will make it through this disagreement, or hurt, and that we have a beautiful future ahead, and hope through Jesus. I can make it through each day, all the highs and lows, because of Jesus. 

Love is no joke. Most days it will feel one sided… and NOT your side. It will feel like you are sacrificing more than he is, that’s when we have to circle back to love is not resentful, and call on the holy spirit to carry us through… to be there with us, to be our friend. 

There is beauty in this act, though. As I have walked these 1 Corinthians principles out with my husband, I’m usually showered right back with them. Not that I act out love daily to get it back in return… then I would need to circle back to not being arrogant, or something… 🙂  I act it out daily because I’m called to do so by my Jesus. I do it for Him. Then He covers, protects, and blesses me. 

And for those of you who have walked through hurt and pain in your marriage, know that no matter what, our Father in heaven loves you like this, every moment of every day. He is with you. He will sustain you. 

I think we can totally step it up with our husbands by showing them love at all costs. And I know from first hand experience that it will change our relationships for the better. It is 100% worth the sacrifice, promise. We can move forward fearlessly into this obedience to the Lord, because He is with us. Let’s be fearless with our love… are you with me?

I’m with YOU, sis, in your corner, cheering you on. 

XOXO